Mornings after a loss are some of the hardest times for me. Generally waking up before noon for a month is a no-no. It’s not just that I’m overcome with grief, although that does factor in. I typically perform my wake up routine of bathroom, showering, and making tea while crying profusely. It’s more that I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.
Dread doesn’t come easily for me. Near-death experiences are a dime a dozen thanks to a heart condition I’ve had since I was born. Break-ups typically lead to a flood of love letters and eventually just some love and good feeling leftover. Even colossal mistakes on my part – humiliations, unknown offenses, asking about an EX-significant other or deceased person – don’t really slow down my stride. Grief, though, can make me call in to question whether I’ll ever have the ability to be happy again.
Today I woke up at eight am to my familiar friend, dread. And even though this was a dread like any other, filling me with the urge to lay in bed and not move, making me cry, today I felt it ending as I worked toward brewing my first cup of tea. And the titular realization overcame me. I may not have a minor, may be the slowest correspondent available, may end up crying as soon as I walk out the door but someday, sooner than I expect, I will be just fine.*
*just fine, in this case, not pertaining to having a lot of money or a set plan for the future or even a minor to my Creative Writing major. Simply meaning that I will be able to live a good, joyous life in spite of losses, focusing on good memories rather than heartbreaks, and with lots of tea.
